THE DIAMOND JUBILEE
HUMOROUS ALTERNATIVE PROGRAMME
The Whitehaven Commemoration Programme as Procrastination will produce.
THE PROCESSION WILL BE AS FOLLOWS: ---
The Mayor decked with the hearse plumes, representing the Black Prince.
The Scavengers with the Town Hall weapons, as javelin men.
The Mace Bearer, with the mace, representing Oliver Cromwell's bauble.
The Surveyor with the Beckbottom bar, labelled "Little-Jordan".
The Town Hall piano sounding notes of "All's Lost".
Captain Bragg with the Baths keys ticketed "Sold to the Town".
The Water and Dust Carts.
The Cemetery Board.
The Deputy Coroner.
The School Managers and Teachers, representing the School Board.
The Fire hose and car in charge of the betting-house raiders.
Sandwich men with the shutters of the unoccupied shops.
The Income Tax Commissioners and the Surveyor of Taxes.
The Rates Collectors.
The County Court Bailiffs.
The Shipyard models.
The Mounted Rifles
To be started by
Pealing of the Church bells and salvo from the Town Hall cannons.
And concluded by
Letting loose a number of gulls and swallows.