AMERICAN HUMOUR.

 

BASE bawl is always seasonable with a country church choir.

 

A PERT miss says she wears bangs because she doesn't want to look so forehead.

 

THE HAIR of a Providence girl is so full of electricity that when she combs it, the cracking is as loud as the snap of a whip.  Shocking, isn't it?

 

SINCE MEN have a Venus, the lady theatre-goers want an Adonis on the stage, says the Boston 'Globe'.  Thereupon the Philadelphia 'News' says:  "But the Adonises won't go upon the stage.  They prefer to stick to their newspaper work.  This is official."

 

THE DEPARTMENTS of government (says an American paper) should be kept more separate.  It's very embarrassing for a shopkeeper, after bluffing a tax assessor on the valuation of his stock, to be burned out that night and have to face the same man as an insurance adjuster.

 

THE HAIR of a girl employed in an Eastern cotton mill was caught in the machinery, torn off her head and ground into bits.  But the girl didn't mind it much.  She kept right on at her work, simply remarking that it only cost $4 anyhow.  This is one of the advantages of art over nature.

 

WHILE A PARTY was visiting the Natural Bridge in Virginia, the story was told that GEORGE WASHINGTON had once stood there and thrown a silver dollar completely over the bridge.  Some of the  party pooh-poohed this assertion, but the narrator gravely rebuked them saying, "You forget how much further a dollar went in those days."

 

AN EX-PRICE-FIGHTER never dies.  When he leaves the ring he opens a saloon and outlives all his friends.  And he knocks many more men out of time in his latter calling than he ever did in the former.

 

"WHAT ASTONISHES me", remarked MRS. MANN, "is how COL. DREADNAUGHT manages to keep out of the State Prison."   "The probability is," replied BLUNT, "that it is feared he might corrupt the convicts, and so they let him go at large."

 

THE LATE DR. COLEMAN was once travelling in the wilds of Ohio, and, entering a hotel, called for dinner.  He noticed, upon sitting down at the table, that there was a glass of whisky beside his plate.  On receiving his bill, he found the landlord charged him for the whisky.

     "But" said the worthy doctor, "I have made no use of it, and never do."

     "It was there, and you could have had it; you must pay"

     "Very well," said the doctor.

 

Some time afterwards the doctor was there again, and before eating, he placed his medicine case beside his plate.  After eating, when paying his bill, he brought in charges for medicine.

     "But" said the host; "I have not had any"

     "Ah, but you could have had it; it was on the table", said the doctor.

 

"A GREAT CHANGE has come over me" sighed the small boy as he lugged home a bag full of pennies from the bank.

 

A STAR-WAY:  The theatre corridor after a matinee.

 

"WHY DOES a kiss raise the spirits ?" - "Because, it's cream of ta-ta."

 

THE ENGAGEMENT ring of the period: A twenty-four foot enclosure.

 

THE CROW INDIANS have become civilised enough to bale up rocks with their hay.  This shows progress.

 

IF YOU want to see how much stir your death will cause in the world, listen to the sizzle of a snowflake on a hot brick.

 

WHAT IS the difference between a timid child and a shipwrecked sailor ? - One clings to his ma, and the other to his spar.

 

THE CURRENT issue of the "Sunday Chronicle" contains a well-written humorous sketch by our old friend "SERGEANT C. HALL".  It is entitled "Warming up a Shark."

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