widowhood, was asked by a friend why he did not propose and marry her.
“Marry her!” he exclaimed, thinking only of the dignified and majestic
creature he had seen in Lady Macbeth, Constance, Queen Catherine &c.
“I should as soon think of marrying the Archbishop of Canterbury.”
At an Indiana wedding the choir sang ‘Come ye disconsolate.’ The
officiating clergyman feeling awkward about it, attempted to mend matters by giving out
a hymn, but unluckily struck into the one beginning, ‘Mistaken souls that
dream of bliss.’
An Irishman and a negro were fighting some time ago in Paramatta, and while
grappling with each other the Irishman exclaimed, “You black vagabond, hallo,
enough! I’ll fight till I die!”
“So will I said the negro, “I always does.”
Mackey, the Californian millionaire, came to this country a poor Irish boy.
Stewart, the New York millionaire, came to this country a poor Irish boy. We
might give other illustrations, but these two are sufficient to show that our
poor struggling American youths made a great mistake by not coming to this
country poor Irish boys.
- Norristown Herald.
It was at a late quarterly meeting of the Seventh Day Baptist Churches in
Wisconsin that two clergymen were to present papers on the same day, and the
question of precedence having arisen, Mr. A. sprang to his feet and said, “I
think Brother B. ought to have the best place on the programme; he is an older
man than I am, and, besides, he is full of his subject.”
When the audience remembered that brother B’s subject was the ‘devil’ a
cheerful smile seemed to beam around the church. The brethren do so enjoy these
A newspaper reporter who died recently left a large sum of money behind him.
In fact he left all the money there was in the world.
Beginning of a judge’s charge in Iowa: -
“Gentlemen of the jury, you must now quit eating peanuts, and attend to the
An Irish crier at Ballinasloe being ordered to clear the court, did so by
this announcement: -
“Now, then, all ye blackguards that isn’t lawyers must leave the court.”
A man who died suddenly left on his desk a letter to one of his
correspondents. His clerk, a stupid but faithful fellow, thinking it necessary to send
the letter, added the postscript: -
“Since writing this, I have died.”
It was a very honest old Dutch judge in Schoharie County, who listened for
several hours to the arguments of counsel, and then said: -
‘Dis case has been ferry ably argued on both sides, and dare have been some
ferry nice points of law brought up. I shall dake dree days to gonsider these
boints, but I shall eventually tecide for de blaintiff.”
‘Isn’t it about time you paid me that bill?’ said Stubbs to one of his
‘My dear sir,’ was the consoling reply, ‘its not a question of time, it’s
a question of money.’
‘Why,’ asks the traveller in Little Pedlington, ‘does Colonel Dominant call
his residence an abbey?’ ‘In consequence,’ he is answered, ‘of its being a
small red brick house in the middle of a cabbage garden.’