A very worthy man, who evidently admired Mrs. Siddons, even in her  mature
widowhood, was asked by a friend why he did not propose and marry  her.

“Marry her!” he exclaimed, thinking only of the dignified and majestic  
creature he had seen in Lady Macbeth, Constance, Queen Catherine &c.

“I should as soon think of marrying the Archbishop of Canterbury.”

_________

At an Indiana wedding the choir sang ‘Come ye disconsolate.’ The  
officiating clergyman feeling awkward about it, attempted to mend matters by  giving out
a hymn, but unluckily struck into the one beginning, ‘Mistaken souls  that
dream of bliss.’

____________

An Irishman and a negro were fighting some time ago in Paramatta, and  while
grappling with each other the Irishman exclaimed, “You black vagabond,  hallo,
enough! I’ll fight till I die!”

“So will I said the negro, “I always does.”

___________________

Mackey, the Californian millionaire, came to this country a poor Irish  boy.
Stewart, the New York millionaire, came to this country a poor Irish boy.  We
might give other illustrations, but these two are sufficient to show that our  
poor struggling American youths made a great mistake by not coming to this  
country poor Irish boys.

- Norristown Herald.

__________________

It was at a late quarterly meeting of the Seventh Day Baptist Churches in  
Wisconsin that two clergymen were to present papers on the same day, and the  
question of precedence having arisen, Mr. A. sprang to his feet and said, “I  
think  Brother B. ought to have the best place on the programme; he is an  older
man than I am, and, besides, he is full of his subject.”

When the audience remembered that brother B’s subject was the ‘devil’ a  
cheerful smile seemed to beam around the church. The brethren do so enjoy these  
little things!

___________________

A newspaper reporter who died recently left a large sum of money behind  him.
In fact he left all the money there was in the world.

___________________


Beginning of a judge’s charge in Iowa: -

“Gentlemen of the jury, you must now quit eating peanuts, and  attend to the
case.”

__________

An Irish crier at Ballinasloe being ordered to clear the  court, did so by
this announcement: -

“Now, then, all ye blackguards that isn’t lawyers must leave  the court.”

__________

A man who died suddenly left on his desk a letter to one of  his
correspondents. His clerk, a stupid but faithful fellow, thinking it  necessary to send
the letter, added the postscript: -

“Since writing this, I have died.”

__________

It was a very honest old Dutch judge in Schoharie County,  who listened for
several hours to the arguments of counsel, and then said:  -

‘Dis case has been ferry ably argued on both sides, and dare  have been some
ferry nice points of law brought up. I shall dake dree days to  gonsider these
boints, but I shall eventually tecide for de  blaintiff.”

__________

‘Isn’t it about time you paid me that bill?’ said Stubbs  to one of his
debtors.

‘My dear sir,’ was the consoling reply, ‘its not a question of  time, it’s
a question of money.’

__________

‘Why,’ asks the traveller in Little Pedlington, ‘does Colonel  Dominant call
his residence an abbey?’ ‘In consequence,’ he is answered, ‘of its  being a
small red brick house in the middle of a cabbage garden.’