The Genealogist - UK census, BMDs and more online

There is a certain man in this town whom I am going to lick  until he won’t
be out of bed for six months after, and I wasn’t to know what it  will cost

 So said a man who entered a Griswold - street law office yesterday,  and it
was plain to be seen that his dander was way up.

 “Let’s see,” mused the lawyer. “I’ll defend you for $10.00. If you  lick
him in a first - class manner your fine will be about $25.00. Then there  will
be a few dollars cost, say enough to make the whole thing foot up to  $40.00.
I think that I can safely promise that it won’t cost you over  that.”

 “Forty dollars! Forty dollars for licking a man! Why, I can’t go  that!”

 “Well, pull his nose then. The last case I had of that sort the fine  was
only $15.00. That will reduce the gross sum to $30.”

 “I want to tear him all to pieces, but I can’t afford to pay like  that for
the fun. How much will it cost to spit on him?”

 “Well, that’s an assault, you know, but the fine might not be over  $10.00.
I guess $25 would see you through.”

 “Lands! How I do want to crush that man! Suppose I knock his hat  off?”

 “Well, about $20 will cover that.”

 “I can hardly hold myself, but $20 is pretty steep. Can’t I call him  a

 “Oh yes, I think $15 will cover that.”

 “Well, I’ll see about it. I’m either going to call him a liar or else  tell
everybody that he is not a gentleman, or else give him an awful pounding.  I’
ll see you again.”

 “My fee is $5.00, observed the lawyer.”

 “What for!”

 “For my advice.”

 The pulverizer glared at him for a half a minute, and then laid down  a “V”
and started slowly out with the remark:

 “I’m going straight to that man and beg his pardon, and tell him that  I am
the biggest fool in Detroit! Thank Heaven that you didn’t get but one claw  
on me.”